Gram

It's been one year ago today that Gram left this life for her next adventure. Some moments are frozen in time...and the moment I found out she was gone is one of those moments. It was a perfect fall day (just as today is). We had been at soccer games all morning and then I headed to the church for a craft day. We had plans to visit a pumpkin patch later that afternoon. Yet when I returned home from the church, Tod met me in the front yard and gently told me that my brother had called to let me know that Gram had passed on...We had known for months that her health was declining. We had been preparing...in fact, just a few weeks prior I had already started to set aside clothing for a road trip to Utah...yet when the moment came, I still couldn't believe that this great lady was really gone.

It still doesn't seem possible...and even one year later, I still half way expect to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end...or go to the mailbox and find a card from her. Our trip to Utah to attend Gram's funeral was bittersweet. Of course, there were tears, lots of tears...but so much gratitude for the life she lived, so much gratitude for the investment of time she put into her grandchildren. When they handed out Grandmas in heaven, I surely got the cream of the crop, the best of the best. It is hard to even begin to put into words the impact and influence Grandma Betty has had on my life.

I remember as a child, just feeling like she really truly adored me, enjoyed me, and valued me. What a gift to give to a young girl! Thanks to Gram I know how to be resilient, strong and positive. I know that when things are tough, you just keep on going. From her I learned how to brown a roast, how to make homemade pizza, how to make pistachio and bavarian (Helper jello salads!). I learned that you can drive through snow storms to get where you need to be...especially if excited people are waiting for you at the other end. (We were always SO excited when we knew Grandma was driving up for the weekend.)

I remember when I was probably about 10 years old, I got into some kind of trouble with my mom and was sent to my bedroom. For some reason, I was really upset. I remember sitting on my bed and crying and then hearing someone creep down the stairs. Then Gram was in my room comforting me and making me giggle and everything was okay. Then she snuck back out of my room before my mom caught her! I have so many great memories of my Grammy.

When I got home from my mission, I remember seeing everyone at the airport when I got off the airplane. It was a great moment...to see my family for the first time in 18 months. But someone was missing...my great grandma Thelma had died just a few days before and so Grandma Betty couldn't make it to the airport. As amazing as it all was, it just felt a little incomplete...until a few days later, we traveled to Helper and I was able to be reunited with Gram.
Today, it still feels incomplete, because once more, I am without her.

I try to keep "evidences" of Gram around my house. I have saved a handful of cards so that I can see her scrawling cursive handwriting. We have glass tea cups, an Easter table cloth, some salt and pepper shakers. My Halloween decorations include some toll painted objects because they were from Gram. And of course, pictures are priceless.

But they are all just "things" and I'm holding onto something much more valuable- my memories of my Gram. These memories are just so precious, and they are what keep me going because I do miss her so much. Can't wait to see her again...I'm still waiting for my fluffy hug.